These past few weeks have been a roller coaster, to say the least. Just today I woke up hesitant, became stressed, felt both indifferent and overwhelmed, surreal, and finally blind excitement. And i haven't even left the US! I imagine at this point it is important to keep in perspective the things I can control. There is quite a bit that I cannot control, and that is a beautiful thing. Now that my bags are packed and I have left Denver, there is very little left for me to do but wait.
Father Sean talked about waiting in his sermon on Sunday, the beginning of Advent. We must wait actively, not passively. We must be ready, because we do not know the day or the hour. There has been so much focus up to this point on tying up the loose ends of life in Colorado. Now I must actively anticipate the coming adventure. I must acknowledge my feelings and emotions, honor them, and keep my heart and mind open to all the possibilities of the coming days. This is easier said than done. It is my default, when I don't want to share my emotions, to say that I am tired. I will be exhausted, no doubt, but in that exhaustion I need to be able to recognize all the feelings and be able to share them with my new community mates so they can support me.
It may be the new year before I am able to share all my initial experiences with you. I am looking forward to all the crazy and fun stories I can share as my life in Tanzania begins to take form. Until then I ask for your prayers to keep and open mind and an open heart, especially when it is easier to shut off emotionally. Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! And I shall see you all on the other side of the world.
Peace
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